Writing toward Freedom

It has been awhile since any post has been done and a lot has happened over the past few months. I am not really sure what to say as a lot has happened and a part of me is still afraid to share. Still afraid cause it gets proven time and time again that when I open up, people use that vulnerablity to cause harm. It makes me guarded on being open and honest, but I promise you I will do my best.

Since July, I have moved to Tualatin. This move allowed me to be closer to work and meet some very interesting people. At first, it was a place that felt like hom and a sense of peace was around there. The guy that asked me to move in was very friendly and we all started having a sense of community. We talked, laughed, spent time together, and just enjoyed one another's presence. A hint maybe of what it is like with real family, real church. This was giving me hope that a real loving family was possible, a real chance at the loving community I know God wants for us all. Having a chance to see it in action, in combination with what I experienced from some 'old guys' that I really respect I knew to be Papa proving himself to me. (Thanks again) For awhile I forgot what pride and selfishness did to relationships.

Its September now and things have changed. Bickering is hidden in people's hearts and that sense of peace is left. I sense that people are walking on egg shells, trying to set people off. This cause my flee reaction, I isolate myself from the drama and just 'turtle up'. The sense of entitlement is swimming through the air like a shark in the ocean. It takes all my strength just to maintain my composure sometimes. This mixed with the fear of having to move again is more of a recipe for chaos in mine own little world, swirling around some peace that maintains itself inside. How can that be? Peace amongst strife and chaos. Must be the work of Jesus. I really haven't shared this with any of my roommates. Sure, I can lay out plenty of excuses, but in the end that is exactly what they are. Excuses.

Recently, one of my roommates was coming across as if I had hurt them and proven myself to be untrustworthy. I asked this person if I had ever proven myself to be that way, they said no. Now that left me with a feeling of being taken advantage of and betrayed, how did deserve such treatment for trying to do what was right and being helpful? I wonder if this same thought went through the mind of Jesus when he saw Judas coming to meet him at the Garden? So I chat with a confidant of mine and a response comes out that made me laugh.

"Welcome to my team brother; only the finest of people are here! - Jesus"
:D. In my thoughts exactly

Now I wonder, how did he ever handle all the pain that people lay out on each other?

I also got a promotion from were I work. I now am the highest level of technical support for the project that I am working on. A lot more responsibility and a lot more procedural knowledge is needed. Its nice cause my brain stays engaged and it is building my resume. I know this company is not my 'career' path, but it is for the moment the provision being given. This company are my ravens. Many days I leave this place with thoughts and cries simliar to Davids, the king of Israel so long ago.

Why do the wicked prevail and the righteous suffer? Is constant harrassment and persecution the only thing that I will see? Is not walking with the only intention of being with Papa enough? Yet the world and people pull so much in so many directions, trying to blind and confuse me from remember this one thing. He is enough.

In this all the one thing that I am learning, its really hard too, is to trust. Trust and to stop taking things so personal. The burden is carried by Christ and he decides what he shares with me. If he doesn't gift with a burden, then I am just free to hang out and be myself.

I want to end this with a question. Take some time to pray about it before and answer is given.

If you and Jesus were to pray for me over the topic of burdens, what would it be?

Extra credit: If you and Jesus were to pray for you over the topic of burdens, what would it be?





All of this got started when I watched Freedom Writers today. Great movie. Watch it. Write about your life, you have a story to tell and no one should fade as a nameless, faceless number into the white pages and black text of history. If you want share your story with me, the least I can do is offer an ear when no one else will.

Peace be unto you