It has been awhile since any post has been done and a lot has happened over the past few months. I am not really sure what to say as a lot has happened and a part of me is still afraid to share. Still afraid cause it gets proven time and time again that when I open up, people use that vulnerablity to cause harm. It makes me guarded on being open and honest, but I promise you I will do my best.
Since July, I have moved to Tualatin. This move allowed me to be closer to work and meet some very interesting people. At first, it was a place that felt like hom and a sense of peace was around there. The guy that asked me to move in was very friendly and we all started having a sense of community. We talked, laughed, spent time together, and just enjoyed one another's presence. A hint maybe of what it is like with real family, real church. This was giving me hope that a real loving family was possible, a real chance at the loving community I know God wants for us all. Having a chance to see it in action, in combination with what I experienced from some 'old guys' that I really respect I knew to be Papa proving himself to me. (Thanks again) For awhile I forgot what pride and selfishness did to relationships.
Its September now and things have changed. Bickering is hidden in people's hearts and that sense of peace is left. I sense that people are walking on egg shells, trying to set people off. This cause my flee reaction, I isolate myself from the drama and just 'turtle up'. The sense of entitlement is swimming through the air like a shark in the ocean. It takes all my strength just to maintain my composure sometimes. This mixed with the fear of having to move again is more of a recipe for chaos in mine own little world, swirling around some peace that maintains itself inside. How can that be? Peace amongst strife and chaos. Must be the work of Jesus. I really haven't shared this with any of my roommates. Sure, I can lay out plenty of excuses, but in the end that is exactly what they are. Excuses.
Recently, one of my roommates was coming across as if I had hurt them and proven myself to be untrustworthy. I asked this person if I had ever proven myself to be that way, they said no. Now that left me with a feeling of being taken advantage of and betrayed, how did deserve such treatment for trying to do what was right and being helpful? I wonder if this same thought went through the mind of Jesus when he saw Judas coming to meet him at the Garden? So I chat with a confidant of mine and a response comes out that made me laugh.
"Welcome to my team brother; only the finest of people are here! - Jesus"
:D. In my thoughts exactly
Now I wonder, how did he ever handle all the pain that people lay out on each other?
I also got a promotion from were I work. I now am the highest level of technical support for the project that I am working on. A lot more responsibility and a lot more procedural knowledge is needed. Its nice cause my brain stays engaged and it is building my resume. I know this company is not my 'career' path, but it is for the moment the provision being given. This company are my ravens. Many days I leave this place with thoughts and cries simliar to Davids, the king of Israel so long ago.
Why do the wicked prevail and the righteous suffer? Is constant harrassment and persecution the only thing that I will see? Is not walking with the only intention of being with Papa enough? Yet the world and people pull so much in so many directions, trying to blind and confuse me from remember this one thing. He is enough.
In this all the one thing that I am learning, its really hard too, is to trust. Trust and to stop taking things so personal. The burden is carried by Christ and he decides what he shares with me. If he doesn't gift with a burden, then I am just free to hang out and be myself.
I want to end this with a question. Take some time to pray about it before and answer is given.
If you and Jesus were to pray for me over the topic of burdens, what would it be?
Extra credit: If you and Jesus were to pray for you over the topic of burdens, what would it be?
All of this got started when I watched Freedom Writers today. Great movie. Watch it. Write about your life, you have a story to tell and no one should fade as a nameless, faceless number into the white pages and black text of history. If you want share your story with me, the least I can do is offer an ear when no one else will.
Peace be unto you
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
02 September 2009
28 May 2009
Future and the thoughts that Surround
People have been asking me, what do I want out of life, what do I see myself doing in the future, what is that you want to do?
Thinking about that I have had a few things in mind. Many things go through my mind as I know with Jesus at my side, anything is possible. He makes the way and gives the desires anyway. :D Before I go off on a rant about the future and how sometimes the downfall of our future is the very thoughts we make towards it. I will spare all the readers that till later, I will start with what my thoughts truly are about what I would like in my future.
Writing: A few people mention that I seem to have a gift for writing and I do enjoy it. Currently I am looking for little ways to keep that going and see it I can make some money at it. This blog for example, also trying to write a book or two, and checking craigslist for any possibility that may appear.
Technology: A couple opportunities have opened up with a co-worker of mine. On one hand we are working together on making apps for the iPhone. The second is to get certified as an Apple Technician and start our own Apple repair business. Both would be nice and quite profitable.
Utimately: My main dreams about the future would be to be a dad and a husband. This one thing is what seems like is the calling from Papa. This, also in my opinion, is the highest calling in Jesus follower can have. To be married and have children. That takes a relationship of deep trust between a person and Jesus to be His follower and helped to spread that with the ones closeset to you. God help me!
Otherwise: School sometimes makes its way into my thoughts. Psychology and Social Services is were my tendencies go. Maybe counselling. Who knows, but for the most part I try to just take it a day at a time and be okay with what God brings along.
Live in Peace and Rest
30 October 2008
Memior of Hawaii: Installment 1
Disclaimer: To those who are in this story and know what is being said, at times the story may be a bit raw. I opened, to a point, what was inside and poured out. All the events in this story are real, the thoughts, action, and words area as close to what actually happened as my memory will allow; however the names have been changed, well just because I want to make up new names. Now I want to fore warn the readers, I am writing this based around events, people, and lessons. So please track with me on this as it is more about transformation than chronology.
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My trip to Hawai'i was a 'time of my life,' like someone spoke over me. Many things happened in the short four months I was there. For those looking for a steamy or even dirty romance story, an action packed life or death adventure, or even a heart wrenching low-budget human drama, this is not your story. This is just simply one man sometimes working in conjunction with his Creator and Best Friend on identity issues. STOP- Am I really going to open myself to an unknown size and grouping audience in this way? Well, I will keep on writing if you keep on reading. I still might continue writing even if you stop reading, but hey this is a blog on the internet so who really reads it anyway? It does seem easier though to write to an anonymous people, than it is to talk with a brother or sister face to face. The family member knows you, the audience does not. Selah...
My first day on the island was such a foreshadow of my whole trip. Upon landing in Hilo, the smells and feel of the place immediately drew me in. Many times people told me it would be hot and extremely humid, borderline mental institution in its unbearableness. Far from the case. If anyone gets the chance to go the Big Island, GO! All went fairly well de-boarding with my two travel companions and me. That is until our ride from our soon to be new friend Amy arrived. Four people, 13 pieces of luggage in various shapes and sizes, and all our egos had to fit in a two door commuter car, somewhere on top of the music equipment Amy kept in her car. A logistical nightmare even an Army Supply Sergeant would not want to touch. Needless to say, I ended up in the back crammed and boxed in (no movement at all) while Henry drove the car clown style. This half-hour ride of humor while in pain was just the beginning.
Arriving at our living quarters for the next couple of months, Henry and I started to settle in with our friend and new roommate Taylor. This place we would soon learn was a jungle of Purifying Fire and we were sleeping in the coals of confrontation. Things were okay at the beginning, but this growing agitation was building inside of me. There was no understanding of where this was coming from and this was a key ingredient in the storms to come.
We got along well playing games, talking a lot, and even becoming close friends. Playing this tile game from Germany by candle light is left as a fond memory. Slowly just the voice of Henry kept irritating an already agitated person. I think the first explosion came after two weeks. Through it the entire one thing I always told Henry, "That no matter what, we have to not stop talking to each other. Even if we hate each other at that moment." Surprisingly to me this became the key for this section of the journey.
Communication. So important yet so not used. I am not sure that this is intended by most people, the lack of use. It seems more likely that for the most part that it is a mix of the example we are provided from our parents, the experiences we have learned from, and our relationship with Jesus that guide our choices in communicating. Communication is one of those things that is vitally important in any interaction with other living creations and is rooted in trust. Too many times a lack of communication is due either to mistrust in another person or mistrust in the person reading this story. Which brings us to an interesting relationship, we must communicate in order to relationship which in turn builds trust in one another; then we are more open with our communication with those we trust. At some point one person takes the step of faith to open themselves in this way and the chance of being hurt in exchange for the chance of being friends. That is unless I am the only person that gets this interaction.
So Henry and I through our two months would sometimes be at each other's throat, with me usually being more aggressive; then turn around and be like a modern day Odd Couple. Unlike them though, we had a third Taylor. Now, I have lived by myself, had multiple roommates, but I have not had to share a room with anyone since mid elementary school. This would prove to be one of the most if not the biggest test of mine on this trip. Having no personal space whatsoever, no secrets, no place to hide and run away, and no place to think without someone else face to face with you. Is this what it is like with Jesus?
Henry, Taylor, and I, the three most unlikely people to share a room with, yet here we were together. It was almost like someone that really cared for us had put us together because He knew that our interaction would be the pruning shears we needed. Before long we were all feeling the pinch of lack of space. Myself, I had been feeling the irritation and I was having trouble restraining my emotions. When I spoke up it was usually sharper than I wanted, but all my years of self-control were waning. My heart was making its transition from the security vault inside to my sleeve. It wasn't long before going to sleep we would share how the others had hurt us and made us feel. About that time Taylor became an invisible roommate to us.
For about three weeks Henry and I saw Taylor about three or four times. Two of those were times where we could actually talk. Now just before this all started happening the three of us came to an agreement, no matter how it looks or what happened we would not give up on each other. With Taylor M.I.A. most of the time, a feeling of betrayal was setting in to Henry and I. I mean what an effin hypocrite, not mention with Taylor's choice my emotional reaction was not good for our brotherhood. He got not into the category of, "When the going gets tough, he gets going. Just like everyone who has ever abandoned me." Not very healthy for our friendship but there it was.
It all culminated in one incident. My mom and I have been slowly rebuilding trust in our relationship. She called one day to give me her new phone number. Taylor neglected to tell me of this for almost two weeks. This delay was in addition to never receiving any message when people would try to get a hold of me. This was a knife to the kidneys from the back. All the trust that had been built between us now gone.
Trust for me, is hard to re-earn. Once betayed I struggle with ever trusting in the same way again. That is an area Jesus is still working in me. I am not sure how well you, as the reader, can relate, but trust is a difficult issue for me. It scares me to trust and be trusted. It looks like trust and faith are so interconnected that they are two sides of the same coin.
Faith. Taught by some that is a power used to bring about an affect. Recently for myself when reading about it through Scripture replacing the word faith with the word trust. Trust is at the core of just about every decision why would faith be any different. To have faith could be said that believing in something so much that it comes to pass. How else would we believe a thing like this unless somehow it had been proving to be unfailing? So with people and Jesus alike, when they say, "Let me show you that I am trustworthy. I do this because I love you very much." Trust, from what I observe, is built with time together and a consistency in our character. Faith and trust could be looked as two lovers sleeping in bed together, content. That almost sounds like a plot synopsis for a movie.
So, I was pretty pissed at Taylor for a few days after I found out about him not giving me the message from my mom. The next time I saw him face to face, I asked him about it. When it got confirmed the word "asshole" came out of my mouth and it was clearly shot at him. Henry was the witness. The whole time I kept talking with Papa about the situation and wanting to forgive, but kept being pissed. It hurt. I had taken the chance to share with a friend, brother, and once again got stabbed in a sore spot. Unlike all the other times through, I just wanted it gone rather than wallowing in the pain. Family means a lot to me, they can be the ones to hurt the most. About two weeks later, maybe less the time lines are a little blurry in spots, I finally had a chance to pull him aside and talk. It just came out that what happened hurt and I was tired of being pissed off. Forgiveness had won the day. Trust was lost though, but maybe thanks to forgiveness one day it will be back.
A little about the place we stayed now. Cosmetically it was an office in the middle of what was a rundown flower farm. No running water, no electricity, next to no contact to the outside world when we were on the Stress Farm. I call it this because since about day one of the trip there was a low, but rising level of stress in the atmosphere. This was mainly due to a lack of communication in letting the owners, Caiaphas and Martha, know of Henry's and mine arrival. They were made aware of it before we actually arrived, but maybe only about 24 hours though. For some reason we never completely recovered from this action. It was like that one miscommunication would define our relationship Henry, Taylor, and I would have with Martha and Caiaphas.
Things went fairly smooth the first the first couple weeks. We set up a deal of work trade for housing. 12 hours a week was all they asked. We were up to date until the Rebirth festival. After we got back something hit us. We all were exhausted and done working. This lasted for about one week. The very next week after that Henry and I followed Taylor around when he left the Farm. Many reasons or excuses were there, but nonetheless three people were now 24 hours behind on work. Tension rose yet again. This is where Martha and Caiaphas become a bit of regulars around the Farm.
Martha and Caiaphas were definitely people that were growing in their relationship with the man named Jesus. Being a christian and moving in an ever growing relationship with Jesus does not mean, always, that in a very short time span a close bonding is made between people. Relationship is a four letter word for sure! Work. Interacting with these two was one of the most painful reminders I have ever had. About the time Taylor decided to be separated from Henry and myself, Caiaphas and Martha went from being indifferent nice to outright demanding. Now, I can understand their feelings on the matter.
They felt taken advantage of, which in the same situation I might deal with the same emotions. It looked as if we were either not staying up to date or was not up to the quality of work they expected. This was their point of view. In my mind was just a simple thought, "I want to do the best I can with what I got." I in no way want to place blame anywhere; I have learned in my limited experience that a situation like this has resulted as of a breakdown somewhere on both sides. Best thing at this point, initiate to the best of my ability reconciliation. In relationships it will not always be smooth and clear. Sometimes it’s rocky, becomes solid rock, and maybe even gets chilled over. In no way do I regret what happened, Papa uses it to shape all parties involved. Even if it means learning that this ministry of reconciliation means a little grueling work.
Like an arrow from the past, pain and issues with my mom can in; using this situation to fester in an old wound. I'm not sure that my response of avoidance was the best decision, but I chose that rather than blowing up emotionally on Martha. Eventually we talked, still to this day; at least on my side things are strained. I do apologize for the lack of details on this subject; perhaps soon I can expand more on this.
During our time at the Stress Farm a guy that attended the church Henry and I visited had us come work for him. Frank VonBuren, 20 plus year veteran of the Iron Workers Union of California. Frank owned his own metal shop and a couple houses on the Big Island. A great thing that came from knowing him and his wife, Kitty, is that they ended up being kind of like another set of parents for Henry and I. Frank shared many stories of him being a licensed falconer and long time surfer. Now because we worked eight hours during the day, Caiaphas and Martha were not pleased. They had wanted us available when they wanted their schedule permitted. Now came a struggle, were the ones that I actually felt care and affection coming from the ones that I stayed with, or abandon Frank for the whims of someone else? Frank was actually quite a humble man. Whenever we would make a mistake at work, he would correct us in a way that just on the surface might seem quite harsh. Thanks to Papa though, showed me the frustration in Frank from other situations mixed with an actual care of a father that wants to teach some young guys how to live life. Thanks Frank!
Learning something from Frank actually threw me for a loop. More than just working with metal and how to share stories about falconry, this humility of his was partially passed down. Due to the use of this word now-a-days in churches I start to wonder if it is a brand name for a clothing line. In the midst of this I never would have thought that so much fun could be mixed with so much work and growth pains.
This church Frank attended was run by a guy that was a mix between Einstein in the movie I.Q. and Darth Vader. I may be over exaggerating a bit, but bear with me as I explain. This guy was super nice and super smart. He had a definite growing love for people and how he had come to know God. He is also very open at letting 'his people' express themselves however they wanted. Also the first time I met him and he spoke to me I smelled a bible school mixed with a little Jesus. So right from the start I am on guard. The next personality trait that made me wary was the fact he tried to talk to me (not with me) as if we were close family. Strike two. Last, but definitely not least, was the fact he was a 'church leader' that seemed to try and force me to one of his subordinates. Now wariness and Michael's defenses were fully active. (It looked like that certain personalities or mind sets don't get along with me well. In some ways this man was similar to Martha and Caiaphas.) All of this was in a rather sharp contrast to some old former rugby players I know in Portland, Oregon. Good or bad, you want to help me, first show me you care unconditionally and that I can trust you with my wounds; I am an open book then. Come at it with religious conviction, contracts, and lists, and you get Leavenworth Prison. Honestly not the place I would prefer to start a friendship.
Through all of our interactions together, prayer night at the Schafle's, the Grassroots Church, when Caiaphas and Martha brought him into the middle of what was going on there, when he tried to talk with me like a father or older brother, the Rebirth stuff, etc; I was trying to keep an open mind and listen to what Jesus was already talking to me about in what this man, Albert, was speaking. Not a 100% victory with getting my attitude out of the way all the time though. Usually what ended up going through my head was something along the lines of, "Who the fuck does this guy think he is anyway? What is he thinking he has the right to do or say anything to me at all? I mean, really who is he anyway?" Papa is using this to bring up some conversation pieces between Him and I. One thing is about how there is an inherent distrust within for anyone who tries to force their leadership on me. Or the fact that all people in leadership are not out to get me and take advantage of the position at my suffering...
Albert though, like everyone I come around, was an instrument to teach me. Even though issues still remain between him and I; I know that there is still a care and love inside of me for him. My life is better by what God did in me through him.
There is really so much more that I could share about, which I may do later. I will wrap up with two more people that had a huge influence on me. Amy (the driver) and a man named Shane Claiborne.
Amy, quite an amazing, unique, and beautiful gift brought into this world. Normally with me, despite being quite social it talks some people a bit of time to understand the complex world of Peace in the Battle. As a gift for some unknown reason to me, this was not completely the case with Amy. A side note, this Amy was known as M, she preferred it that way. So M has quite a story to tell through her life. One thing I would use to describe here is a lover. A lover of Papa, a lover of Jesus, a lover of His Spirit, a lover of people, and a lover everything about Him. I don't come across that many people that right out from the gate understand and have the passion I feel inside. It is very refreshing and encouraging to know in any situation that you are not alone and separated. There was also this way that we would talk that showed a mutual understanding.
Others have mentioned and still do that we connected real fast. Honestly I didn't really notice, I was just trying to be myself and that she was continuing to be overly generous. Now when I say generous, I mean it was so much that I was envious. In many situations that I watched her in, mainly with people, the generosity of love and compassion humbled me. There was many times that if I was in her shoes it would have been different, probably for the worst. It was thanks to M that I started learning Chinese. Now I am sure that she will read this, so thanks for being the beautiful person you are now! Don't stop doing what you do and being what you be. You are not alone and I have the utmost respect for you. Thanks!
Now Shane Claiborne and the reason I came back to Portland, Oregon. At Elevate, a gathering of family members on Saturday nights in Hilo, they were taking part in this national preaching about praying and oneness. For one of the messages the people at Elevate chose to show a message Shane gave at a conference in Hawai'i. The message details fail me as the message the Spirit whispered to my heart quickly invaded. Amidst the message, my emotions were being stirred over the areas of people coming together as a loving family, taking care of the people that can't care for themselves, and Portland, Oregon.
So the message went a little like this, 'Michael, the people in Portland, Corvallis, Eugene, and the Willamette Valley are your family. I put you around Paul, Ron, Todd, Kim, all the Youngs, Tyson, Skyeler, Josiah, your Dad, you Mom, your Sister, your Niece, Matt, Melanie, Nick, Gayle, Leeland, Jov, and everyone else that you know are there for a reason. I put you all together so that you would help each other and love each other. Go spend time with the poor in Portland. Don't be afraid to stand up for what is right, no matter how big you opponent is I AM with you. I have never left you have I? So go back to Portland and just be who I made you to be and spend time with the people I put you around.'
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My trip to Hawai'i was a 'time of my life,' like someone spoke over me. Many things happened in the short four months I was there. For those looking for a steamy or even dirty romance story, an action packed life or death adventure, or even a heart wrenching low-budget human drama, this is not your story. This is just simply one man sometimes working in conjunction with his Creator and Best Friend on identity issues. STOP- Am I really going to open myself to an unknown size and grouping audience in this way? Well, I will keep on writing if you keep on reading. I still might continue writing even if you stop reading, but hey this is a blog on the internet so who really reads it anyway? It does seem easier though to write to an anonymous people, than it is to talk with a brother or sister face to face. The family member knows you, the audience does not. Selah...
My first day on the island was such a foreshadow of my whole trip. Upon landing in Hilo, the smells and feel of the place immediately drew me in. Many times people told me it would be hot and extremely humid, borderline mental institution in its unbearableness. Far from the case. If anyone gets the chance to go the Big Island, GO! All went fairly well de-boarding with my two travel companions and me. That is until our ride from our soon to be new friend Amy arrived. Four people, 13 pieces of luggage in various shapes and sizes, and all our egos had to fit in a two door commuter car, somewhere on top of the music equipment Amy kept in her car. A logistical nightmare even an Army Supply Sergeant would not want to touch. Needless to say, I ended up in the back crammed and boxed in (no movement at all) while Henry drove the car clown style. This half-hour ride of humor while in pain was just the beginning.
Arriving at our living quarters for the next couple of months, Henry and I started to settle in with our friend and new roommate Taylor. This place we would soon learn was a jungle of Purifying Fire and we were sleeping in the coals of confrontation. Things were okay at the beginning, but this growing agitation was building inside of me. There was no understanding of where this was coming from and this was a key ingredient in the storms to come.
We got along well playing games, talking a lot, and even becoming close friends. Playing this tile game from Germany by candle light is left as a fond memory. Slowly just the voice of Henry kept irritating an already agitated person. I think the first explosion came after two weeks. Through it the entire one thing I always told Henry, "That no matter what, we have to not stop talking to each other. Even if we hate each other at that moment." Surprisingly to me this became the key for this section of the journey.
Communication. So important yet so not used. I am not sure that this is intended by most people, the lack of use. It seems more likely that for the most part that it is a mix of the example we are provided from our parents, the experiences we have learned from, and our relationship with Jesus that guide our choices in communicating. Communication is one of those things that is vitally important in any interaction with other living creations and is rooted in trust. Too many times a lack of communication is due either to mistrust in another person or mistrust in the person reading this story. Which brings us to an interesting relationship, we must communicate in order to relationship which in turn builds trust in one another; then we are more open with our communication with those we trust. At some point one person takes the step of faith to open themselves in this way and the chance of being hurt in exchange for the chance of being friends. That is unless I am the only person that gets this interaction.
So Henry and I through our two months would sometimes be at each other's throat, with me usually being more aggressive; then turn around and be like a modern day Odd Couple. Unlike them though, we had a third Taylor. Now, I have lived by myself, had multiple roommates, but I have not had to share a room with anyone since mid elementary school. This would prove to be one of the most if not the biggest test of mine on this trip. Having no personal space whatsoever, no secrets, no place to hide and run away, and no place to think without someone else face to face with you. Is this what it is like with Jesus?
Henry, Taylor, and I, the three most unlikely people to share a room with, yet here we were together. It was almost like someone that really cared for us had put us together because He knew that our interaction would be the pruning shears we needed. Before long we were all feeling the pinch of lack of space. Myself, I had been feeling the irritation and I was having trouble restraining my emotions. When I spoke up it was usually sharper than I wanted, but all my years of self-control were waning. My heart was making its transition from the security vault inside to my sleeve. It wasn't long before going to sleep we would share how the others had hurt us and made us feel. About that time Taylor became an invisible roommate to us.
For about three weeks Henry and I saw Taylor about three or four times. Two of those were times where we could actually talk. Now just before this all started happening the three of us came to an agreement, no matter how it looks or what happened we would not give up on each other. With Taylor M.I.A. most of the time, a feeling of betrayal was setting in to Henry and I. I mean what an effin hypocrite, not mention with Taylor's choice my emotional reaction was not good for our brotherhood. He got not into the category of, "When the going gets tough, he gets going. Just like everyone who has ever abandoned me." Not very healthy for our friendship but there it was.
It all culminated in one incident. My mom and I have been slowly rebuilding trust in our relationship. She called one day to give me her new phone number. Taylor neglected to tell me of this for almost two weeks. This delay was in addition to never receiving any message when people would try to get a hold of me. This was a knife to the kidneys from the back. All the trust that had been built between us now gone.
Trust for me, is hard to re-earn. Once betayed I struggle with ever trusting in the same way again. That is an area Jesus is still working in me. I am not sure how well you, as the reader, can relate, but trust is a difficult issue for me. It scares me to trust and be trusted. It looks like trust and faith are so interconnected that they are two sides of the same coin.
Faith. Taught by some that is a power used to bring about an affect. Recently for myself when reading about it through Scripture replacing the word faith with the word trust. Trust is at the core of just about every decision why would faith be any different. To have faith could be said that believing in something so much that it comes to pass. How else would we believe a thing like this unless somehow it had been proving to be unfailing? So with people and Jesus alike, when they say, "Let me show you that I am trustworthy. I do this because I love you very much." Trust, from what I observe, is built with time together and a consistency in our character. Faith and trust could be looked as two lovers sleeping in bed together, content. That almost sounds like a plot synopsis for a movie.
So, I was pretty pissed at Taylor for a few days after I found out about him not giving me the message from my mom. The next time I saw him face to face, I asked him about it. When it got confirmed the word "asshole" came out of my mouth and it was clearly shot at him. Henry was the witness. The whole time I kept talking with Papa about the situation and wanting to forgive, but kept being pissed. It hurt. I had taken the chance to share with a friend, brother, and once again got stabbed in a sore spot. Unlike all the other times through, I just wanted it gone rather than wallowing in the pain. Family means a lot to me, they can be the ones to hurt the most. About two weeks later, maybe less the time lines are a little blurry in spots, I finally had a chance to pull him aside and talk. It just came out that what happened hurt and I was tired of being pissed off. Forgiveness had won the day. Trust was lost though, but maybe thanks to forgiveness one day it will be back.
A little about the place we stayed now. Cosmetically it was an office in the middle of what was a rundown flower farm. No running water, no electricity, next to no contact to the outside world when we were on the Stress Farm. I call it this because since about day one of the trip there was a low, but rising level of stress in the atmosphere. This was mainly due to a lack of communication in letting the owners, Caiaphas and Martha, know of Henry's and mine arrival. They were made aware of it before we actually arrived, but maybe only about 24 hours though. For some reason we never completely recovered from this action. It was like that one miscommunication would define our relationship Henry, Taylor, and I would have with Martha and Caiaphas.
Things went fairly smooth the first the first couple weeks. We set up a deal of work trade for housing. 12 hours a week was all they asked. We were up to date until the Rebirth festival. After we got back something hit us. We all were exhausted and done working. This lasted for about one week. The very next week after that Henry and I followed Taylor around when he left the Farm. Many reasons or excuses were there, but nonetheless three people were now 24 hours behind on work. Tension rose yet again. This is where Martha and Caiaphas become a bit of regulars around the Farm.
Martha and Caiaphas were definitely people that were growing in their relationship with the man named Jesus. Being a christian and moving in an ever growing relationship with Jesus does not mean, always, that in a very short time span a close bonding is made between people. Relationship is a four letter word for sure! Work. Interacting with these two was one of the most painful reminders I have ever had. About the time Taylor decided to be separated from Henry and myself, Caiaphas and Martha went from being indifferent nice to outright demanding. Now, I can understand their feelings on the matter.
They felt taken advantage of, which in the same situation I might deal with the same emotions. It looked as if we were either not staying up to date or was not up to the quality of work they expected. This was their point of view. In my mind was just a simple thought, "I want to do the best I can with what I got." I in no way want to place blame anywhere; I have learned in my limited experience that a situation like this has resulted as of a breakdown somewhere on both sides. Best thing at this point, initiate to the best of my ability reconciliation. In relationships it will not always be smooth and clear. Sometimes it’s rocky, becomes solid rock, and maybe even gets chilled over. In no way do I regret what happened, Papa uses it to shape all parties involved. Even if it means learning that this ministry of reconciliation means a little grueling work.
Like an arrow from the past, pain and issues with my mom can in; using this situation to fester in an old wound. I'm not sure that my response of avoidance was the best decision, but I chose that rather than blowing up emotionally on Martha. Eventually we talked, still to this day; at least on my side things are strained. I do apologize for the lack of details on this subject; perhaps soon I can expand more on this.
During our time at the Stress Farm a guy that attended the church Henry and I visited had us come work for him. Frank VonBuren, 20 plus year veteran of the Iron Workers Union of California. Frank owned his own metal shop and a couple houses on the Big Island. A great thing that came from knowing him and his wife, Kitty, is that they ended up being kind of like another set of parents for Henry and I. Frank shared many stories of him being a licensed falconer and long time surfer. Now because we worked eight hours during the day, Caiaphas and Martha were not pleased. They had wanted us available when they wanted their schedule permitted. Now came a struggle, were the ones that I actually felt care and affection coming from the ones that I stayed with, or abandon Frank for the whims of someone else? Frank was actually quite a humble man. Whenever we would make a mistake at work, he would correct us in a way that just on the surface might seem quite harsh. Thanks to Papa though, showed me the frustration in Frank from other situations mixed with an actual care of a father that wants to teach some young guys how to live life. Thanks Frank!
Learning something from Frank actually threw me for a loop. More than just working with metal and how to share stories about falconry, this humility of his was partially passed down. Due to the use of this word now-a-days in churches I start to wonder if it is a brand name for a clothing line. In the midst of this I never would have thought that so much fun could be mixed with so much work and growth pains.
This church Frank attended was run by a guy that was a mix between Einstein in the movie I.Q. and Darth Vader. I may be over exaggerating a bit, but bear with me as I explain. This guy was super nice and super smart. He had a definite growing love for people and how he had come to know God. He is also very open at letting 'his people' express themselves however they wanted. Also the first time I met him and he spoke to me I smelled a bible school mixed with a little Jesus. So right from the start I am on guard. The next personality trait that made me wary was the fact he tried to talk to me (not with me) as if we were close family. Strike two. Last, but definitely not least, was the fact he was a 'church leader' that seemed to try and force me to one of his subordinates. Now wariness and Michael's defenses were fully active. (It looked like that certain personalities or mind sets don't get along with me well. In some ways this man was similar to Martha and Caiaphas.) All of this was in a rather sharp contrast to some old former rugby players I know in Portland, Oregon. Good or bad, you want to help me, first show me you care unconditionally and that I can trust you with my wounds; I am an open book then. Come at it with religious conviction, contracts, and lists, and you get Leavenworth Prison. Honestly not the place I would prefer to start a friendship.
Through all of our interactions together, prayer night at the Schafle's, the Grassroots Church, when Caiaphas and Martha brought him into the middle of what was going on there, when he tried to talk with me like a father or older brother, the Rebirth stuff, etc; I was trying to keep an open mind and listen to what Jesus was already talking to me about in what this man, Albert, was speaking. Not a 100% victory with getting my attitude out of the way all the time though. Usually what ended up going through my head was something along the lines of, "Who the fuck does this guy think he is anyway? What is he thinking he has the right to do or say anything to me at all? I mean, really who is he anyway?" Papa is using this to bring up some conversation pieces between Him and I. One thing is about how there is an inherent distrust within for anyone who tries to force their leadership on me. Or the fact that all people in leadership are not out to get me and take advantage of the position at my suffering...
Albert though, like everyone I come around, was an instrument to teach me. Even though issues still remain between him and I; I know that there is still a care and love inside of me for him. My life is better by what God did in me through him.
There is really so much more that I could share about, which I may do later. I will wrap up with two more people that had a huge influence on me. Amy (the driver) and a man named Shane Claiborne.
Amy, quite an amazing, unique, and beautiful gift brought into this world. Normally with me, despite being quite social it talks some people a bit of time to understand the complex world of Peace in the Battle. As a gift for some unknown reason to me, this was not completely the case with Amy. A side note, this Amy was known as M, she preferred it that way. So M has quite a story to tell through her life. One thing I would use to describe here is a lover. A lover of Papa, a lover of Jesus, a lover of His Spirit, a lover of people, and a lover everything about Him. I don't come across that many people that right out from the gate understand and have the passion I feel inside. It is very refreshing and encouraging to know in any situation that you are not alone and separated. There was also this way that we would talk that showed a mutual understanding.
Others have mentioned and still do that we connected real fast. Honestly I didn't really notice, I was just trying to be myself and that she was continuing to be overly generous. Now when I say generous, I mean it was so much that I was envious. In many situations that I watched her in, mainly with people, the generosity of love and compassion humbled me. There was many times that if I was in her shoes it would have been different, probably for the worst. It was thanks to M that I started learning Chinese. Now I am sure that she will read this, so thanks for being the beautiful person you are now! Don't stop doing what you do and being what you be. You are not alone and I have the utmost respect for you. Thanks!
Now Shane Claiborne and the reason I came back to Portland, Oregon. At Elevate, a gathering of family members on Saturday nights in Hilo, they were taking part in this national preaching about praying and oneness. For one of the messages the people at Elevate chose to show a message Shane gave at a conference in Hawai'i. The message details fail me as the message the Spirit whispered to my heart quickly invaded. Amidst the message, my emotions were being stirred over the areas of people coming together as a loving family, taking care of the people that can't care for themselves, and Portland, Oregon.
So the message went a little like this, 'Michael, the people in Portland, Corvallis, Eugene, and the Willamette Valley are your family. I put you around Paul, Ron, Todd, Kim, all the Youngs, Tyson, Skyeler, Josiah, your Dad, you Mom, your Sister, your Niece, Matt, Melanie, Nick, Gayle, Leeland, Jov, and everyone else that you know are there for a reason. I put you all together so that you would help each other and love each other. Go spend time with the poor in Portland. Don't be afraid to stand up for what is right, no matter how big you opponent is I AM with you. I have never left you have I? So go back to Portland and just be who I made you to be and spend time with the people I put you around.'
16 September 2008
So Michael what did you learn in Hawaii? (plus some more)
(question from Papa)
Communication is very important. I don't like people getting close and that relationships, community, and family are tough work. Each is worth every second though. Community without Christ is a recipe for contention, drama, and fight or flight responses. Walking is good, not just for physical health, it gives time to talk with You and be at peace inside. Your love is kind always. Trust in You, Period. Desert seasons are tough, but the change is great. Ohana....... Aloha Spirit. The people in the Oregon area you put me around are part of my 'community'. Broken, youth, Your Bride changed to be Your bride is Your heart. Just because its scripture doesn't mean its You! Be content where ever; You are there!
***************************************************************************************
Fight of Da Loneliness
No more, the emptiness
Filled with light and acceptance
Still more, nightmares
Hopes and dreams abound
Floating through a void
a soul wanders lost
until the day comes
when the Guide leads them home
Living in love, cups running over
hopelessness pushes, walls move
Dancing with Mercy, the chair is prepared
death waits, waiting, waiting
Floating through a void
a soul wanders lost
until the day comes
when the Guide leads them home
Gems flow forth, rubies and diamonds
wounds driven deep, ever thirsty
wrath poured out down to the last
innocence prevails, reigning
candles burning brightly with the greyness of mystery. a mystery only revealed by One true and bright.
Communication is very important. I don't like people getting close and that relationships, community, and family are tough work. Each is worth every second though. Community without Christ is a recipe for contention, drama, and fight or flight responses. Walking is good, not just for physical health, it gives time to talk with You and be at peace inside. Your love is kind always. Trust in You, Period. Desert seasons are tough, but the change is great. Ohana....... Aloha Spirit. The people in the Oregon area you put me around are part of my 'community'. Broken, youth, Your Bride changed to be Your bride is Your heart. Just because its scripture doesn't mean its You! Be content where ever; You are there!
***************************************************************************************
Fight of Da Loneliness
No more, the emptiness
Filled with light and acceptance
Still more, nightmares
Hopes and dreams abound
Floating through a void
a soul wanders lost
until the day comes
when the Guide leads them home
Living in love, cups running over
hopelessness pushes, walls move
Dancing with Mercy, the chair is prepared
death waits, waiting, waiting
Floating through a void
a soul wanders lost
until the day comes
when the Guide leads them home
Gems flow forth, rubies and diamonds
wounds driven deep, ever thirsty
wrath poured out down to the last
innocence prevails, reigning
candles burning brightly with the greyness of mystery. a mystery only revealed by One true and bright.
21 June 2008
Musings from the Big Island
This thing about community, so many people talk about it, yet so few understand this thing. It is like the new catch phrase or buzzword. In a way, where people either want to be taken care of by others or they are trying to find something different from a system that is broken. But is running to or starting another system the answer? Personally, I feel more of a draw within my spirit for family. A more intimate relationship; a thing that I kind of see is that community can still happen without truly connecting with people. It is only a shadow of family, but it does allow for this relationship of openness to have an opportunity of appearing. Some 'Christians' feel this same desire as others, but I wonder if the draw isn't something deeper?
What is it about community that attracts people?... corruption relation to community?... Know thyself
This stuff of character, many attach a list, or better said, a qualification of what is good and bad and then if people aren't more good than bad, there is less value in/about them. Character is important to Papa for sure, but how valuable a person is or the love by which a person is loved has no interrelation with their character. Getting, or having, this piece in a paradigm helps to encourage a performance based mentality, or worse yet, the appearance of good character with no heart change. For a person who has a heart to honestly seek after Jesus and to have a deeper relationship, anything along these lines brings up feelings of guilt and shame, which from my limited understand, is not in His tool belt of transformation.
Some people talk about having no shame in putting a banner or such saying what church or ministry it is working with, even if it is just a group of friends getting together because God put it on their hearts. How they believe it is compromise to do anything other and it shouldn't be done. Balderdash I say!
Big thing inside recently, how we believe we can speak into each other's lives without spending time building relationship with each other.
Sitting, musing on music, the place it has in my life and maybe others. One of the first things that comes to mind is the that how music is language that breaks through language barriers. so much is done in the spiritual realm and emotionally within people and in the atmosphere. People get stories and pictures from music, music is also something that everybody in the world relates. Music has a special place with God too, some much 'spiritual' worship and healing seems to come from within, or is carried by the music. Music seems to be a carrier that blows through defenses, reaches inside, and plants seeds.
The search for purpose is in every one's heart; people long to be valued and important. The desire for recognition, affection, can companionship can be a bigger motivation for any sore of action than even ravenous hunger or insatiable thirst. There must be a deeper root, something ingrained within our DNA or even in our spirit. What might this be? Jesus? Papa? The Breath of life that proceeds from the One true Creator of this universe we live in? Personally, I am quite fond of these three.
The moral to the story is to risk openness and honesty. To risk the hurt and the wounding that might be, but also the risk that might bring depth mutual love and respect for one another. That maybe by taking this risk, we unwittingly open our hearts to a Papa that has been desiring this all along. I miss my dad, my family, and friends. That maybe some how through this process that we learn to support the people we love, not what they do, and in turn are supported for us and not what we do. Through this maybe a person can have a chance to touch on real family, not just community.
Times when people hit it on the head, we can be unable or unwilling to share at that moment due to insecurities.
What is it about community that attracts people?... corruption relation to community?... Know thyself
This stuff of character, many attach a list, or better said, a qualification of what is good and bad and then if people aren't more good than bad, there is less value in/about them. Character is important to Papa for sure, but how valuable a person is or the love by which a person is loved has no interrelation with their character. Getting, or having, this piece in a paradigm helps to encourage a performance based mentality, or worse yet, the appearance of good character with no heart change. For a person who has a heart to honestly seek after Jesus and to have a deeper relationship, anything along these lines brings up feelings of guilt and shame, which from my limited understand, is not in His tool belt of transformation.
Some people talk about having no shame in putting a banner or such saying what church or ministry it is working with, even if it is just a group of friends getting together because God put it on their hearts. How they believe it is compromise to do anything other and it shouldn't be done. Balderdash I say!
Big thing inside recently, how we believe we can speak into each other's lives without spending time building relationship with each other.
Sitting, musing on music, the place it has in my life and maybe others. One of the first things that comes to mind is the that how music is language that breaks through language barriers. so much is done in the spiritual realm and emotionally within people and in the atmosphere. People get stories and pictures from music, music is also something that everybody in the world relates. Music has a special place with God too, some much 'spiritual' worship and healing seems to come from within, or is carried by the music. Music seems to be a carrier that blows through defenses, reaches inside, and plants seeds.
The search for purpose is in every one's heart; people long to be valued and important. The desire for recognition, affection, can companionship can be a bigger motivation for any sore of action than even ravenous hunger or insatiable thirst. There must be a deeper root, something ingrained within our DNA or even in our spirit. What might this be? Jesus? Papa? The Breath of life that proceeds from the One true Creator of this universe we live in? Personally, I am quite fond of these three.
The moral to the story is to risk openness and honesty. To risk the hurt and the wounding that might be, but also the risk that might bring depth mutual love and respect for one another. That maybe by taking this risk, we unwittingly open our hearts to a Papa that has been desiring this all along. I miss my dad, my family, and friends. That maybe some how through this process that we learn to support the people we love, not what they do, and in turn are supported for us and not what we do. Through this maybe a person can have a chance to touch on real family, not just community.
Times when people hit it on the head, we can be unable or unwilling to share at that moment due to insecurities.
05 June 2008
The Hawaiian Adventure: Rebirth Style
Man, man moons ago.. (more like one actually) this humble yet ecsentric, young, and slightly naive traveller boarded a plane in the Port Land of Oregon. This plane's destination was for a very far away and mysterious island filled with strange sightings and even stranger nature life. For some reson this time was a risk of faith, like jumping off a cliff to learn to fly on the Wind. The island had a name, it was, Hawai'i. The flight over was a mix of battle, boredom, and music. The battle was intense on the field of om my mind; facing off were the heavenly voice of Yahweh Nissi and the demoralizing crew of satan. The battle's main focus was over if going to this mysterious ilsland was of Divine origin or something more carnal. Some of the lesser fights took place on the hills of self-worth, provision, the valley of fellowship, and in the jungle of peace. The only real rest from the battle was when August Rush was showing as a moving picture show. No sleep came during the 6 or 7 hour flight over the deep blue ocean to my land of far, far away.
Stepping off the plane in Hilo brought forth a shift within my spirit. Like skydiving, all the rushing wind and chaos of the freefall, all changes the moment the parachute opens; then silence, stillness, and peace. The smell of the air mixed with a more humid climate brought forth a refreshment from the stench of recycled air and internal warfare. The three travelling companions, Nick a.k.a. Fozzy the Bear, Jenny of the Saturday Night Fever, and this wandering writer made there way to collect their treasure from Baggage Claim. The scent of fresh ocean air filled our lungs, passing through the hallways of the airport that seemed to be made from the palm trees that grow abundantly on the island, we found Baggage Claim. Our timing seemed way to perfect as the sounds of the horse race echoed in our ears as the stallions and mares of travellers hurried to grab the luggage as quick as possible. On the first pass, the luggage that came with the three travellers made it into their hands on the first pass or so it seemed. We came up one bag short. A short time later with a piece of paper in hand, armed with the knowledge of a return trip to claim the last bag from a later flight, the travellers waited for their ride, relaxing on the cool cemet of Baggage Claim. Then all of a sudden a not so familiar face appeared.
Jen or Anthem, which was a name to come later, found us and informed us that she was our taxi to Pahoa. Pahoa is the village-town around which this story takes place. The post office is bigger than the police station, the one bar is close to the biggest restaurant in this village, it also has a public pool, and a small handful of shops. The Puna region of the Big Island, of which Pahoa is in, is known for it's hippie/New Age/trouble-making/ travelling/crazies culture. The majority of this region is farms, jungle, and pakalolo (marijuiana). Many bright-colored centipedies, dull colored rats, brown mongoose, and LOADS of couquie frogs dot the landscape. This area, from what has been shared, tends to be the most 'affordable' place to live in all of the islands.
The trip to Pahoa was a very intimate and stuffy affair. In between the three of us we each had two carry on bags and nine minus one check bags. This normally would not have been an issue, but our 'taxi' was to be a dark sky blue 1997, 98, 99ish Dodge Neon, Coupe edition. To help us learn to pack better our driver also was a musician, complete with traveling equipment. We all definately felt a bit closer to each other after the 25 or so mile drive. We thank Jen very much for her graciousness and hospitality.
Jen. This woman, orginally a Portlandier, has been in Hawaii around the three year mark. In some ways she reminded this writer of his Aunt Toni, while still being wholly and utterly unique in her own special way. As the 'worship' leader for Grassroots Church in Pahoa, Papa was using her gifting in a way that is giving her much practice time before the big show and curtain call soon to come. Quite open to the movings of the Spirit, she fits quite well with other 'radicals' of the Jesus loving bend. Her passion and zeal for a man sometimes called the Prince of Peace is quite apparent to anyone with a set of eyes and sometimes just one that functions. Unbeknownst to this writer at the time, Jen would play as a piece of the central character of this story; which happens to be a group of people rather than just one, all curiously enough hailing from Stumptown.
Our first destination would be the flower farm were Fozzy and the writer would be staying. As the car pulled up to the building itself, all of legs and bodies screamed in joy as we were released from our closeness and bumpy drive down one of the many unpaved roads in Pahoa. The man D.J., who was yet another piece of the central character, and this writer's main connection to the Big Island, broke out in some hysterical laughter as we all poured out of the car, like some Jell-O that had not quite settled yet. Unpacking our taxi, the two men were approaching the place were a brotherhood or warzone was to be established. It was, at least for this writer, a place in his mind that would become The Shack. This building was roughly the size of a small studio with no stove or bathroom and three single guys would be living there together. The group all chatted for a bit before parting ways and ending their first day in Hawaii.
Over the next couple of weeks much happened. It was a mix of preparing for Rebirth, the regional Burning Man, battling the spiritual attacks against us, and trying to not let that spill over to eachother. Getting used to the local culture could easily take years to learn, but despite that we moved on. Part of what Papa ended up bringing this group together for was to have his will done at this Rebirth event. The Grassroots Church had planned a theme camp called the City of Refuge. At this place, a building was planned that would come to be know as The Shack, were some healing was its focus. It all started with a holistic drink and some foot washing outside, before they were escorted inside our 20 by 20 shack were the art therapy would take place. After that the people were led outside for a massage, then shown the way to the back of the building were prayer and the gifting of rocks with words written on them; written in either greek, hebrew, or sanskrit. How this actually worked out was amazing!
The event itself turned out to be just mainly a weekend party for a bunch of the locals with some cool fire dancing and a highly religious cermony that ended with the burning of a wooden effigy of a phoenix. What a place for Sarayu to move! The city of refuge really became that, many people ended up just sleeping at the camp, eating with the ambassadors there, and leaving feelingthe peace and attention of a loving God that is personal and real. A few people were amazed at how these people seemed to know what was in their hearts, others just surrendered to the prayer of the faithful lovers. A couple of high schoolers came out to spend time with the group, out of their normal groups, and whether they were high or not. Many relationships were established. For this writer, three have become very influential and important.
One was with the guy that was the 'owner' of the property were the event was held. This man really has a father's heart and searches for the one The next was this brilliant man that lives in a very steep and beautiful valley on the Big Island. The scientific information and the way in which he searched for things in the spirit shows that the kingdom is very close to him. The third, was by far the one, that intrigues this writer the most. This man, who was know as Dirty Jesus, ended up being a priest of the Burning Man. A friendship was established and the Holy Spirit is still bringing to mind things about priests and how the ones that are chosen by Papa help to bring real freedom, not just and illusion of it. Many gifts were given and received, but this writer believes that Papa probably did more work inside of the ones He gifted with being to work with Him in this adventure, than we saw happen in others. There are many, many, many more stories to be shared from this event, but perhaps that will come at a later day over some coffee.
Bless you all with love and patience from the Almighty Papa and the Spirit of Healing.
(story above still under construction)
Peace in the Battle
And Here Be A View of What Happened at Rebirth from a Fellow family member in the Field.
"
Stepping off the plane in Hilo brought forth a shift within my spirit. Like skydiving, all the rushing wind and chaos of the freefall, all changes the moment the parachute opens; then silence, stillness, and peace. The smell of the air mixed with a more humid climate brought forth a refreshment from the stench of recycled air and internal warfare. The three travelling companions, Nick a.k.a. Fozzy the Bear, Jenny of the Saturday Night Fever, and this wandering writer made there way to collect their treasure from Baggage Claim. The scent of fresh ocean air filled our lungs, passing through the hallways of the airport that seemed to be made from the palm trees that grow abundantly on the island, we found Baggage Claim. Our timing seemed way to perfect as the sounds of the horse race echoed in our ears as the stallions and mares of travellers hurried to grab the luggage as quick as possible. On the first pass, the luggage that came with the three travellers made it into their hands on the first pass or so it seemed. We came up one bag short. A short time later with a piece of paper in hand, armed with the knowledge of a return trip to claim the last bag from a later flight, the travellers waited for their ride, relaxing on the cool cemet of Baggage Claim. Then all of a sudden a not so familiar face appeared.
Jen or Anthem, which was a name to come later, found us and informed us that she was our taxi to Pahoa. Pahoa is the village-town around which this story takes place. The post office is bigger than the police station, the one bar is close to the biggest restaurant in this village, it also has a public pool, and a small handful of shops. The Puna region of the Big Island, of which Pahoa is in, is known for it's hippie/New Age/trouble-making/ travelling/crazies culture. The majority of this region is farms, jungle, and pakalolo (marijuiana). Many bright-colored centipedies, dull colored rats, brown mongoose, and LOADS of couquie frogs dot the landscape. This area, from what has been shared, tends to be the most 'affordable' place to live in all of the islands.
The trip to Pahoa was a very intimate and stuffy affair. In between the three of us we each had two carry on bags and nine minus one check bags. This normally would not have been an issue, but our 'taxi' was to be a dark sky blue 1997, 98, 99ish Dodge Neon, Coupe edition. To help us learn to pack better our driver also was a musician, complete with traveling equipment. We all definately felt a bit closer to each other after the 25 or so mile drive. We thank Jen very much for her graciousness and hospitality.
Jen. This woman, orginally a Portlandier, has been in Hawaii around the three year mark. In some ways she reminded this writer of his Aunt Toni, while still being wholly and utterly unique in her own special way. As the 'worship' leader for Grassroots Church in Pahoa, Papa was using her gifting in a way that is giving her much practice time before the big show and curtain call soon to come. Quite open to the movings of the Spirit, she fits quite well with other 'radicals' of the Jesus loving bend. Her passion and zeal for a man sometimes called the Prince of Peace is quite apparent to anyone with a set of eyes and sometimes just one that functions. Unbeknownst to this writer at the time, Jen would play as a piece of the central character of this story; which happens to be a group of people rather than just one, all curiously enough hailing from Stumptown.
Our first destination would be the flower farm were Fozzy and the writer would be staying. As the car pulled up to the building itself, all of legs and bodies screamed in joy as we were released from our closeness and bumpy drive down one of the many unpaved roads in Pahoa. The man D.J., who was yet another piece of the central character, and this writer's main connection to the Big Island, broke out in some hysterical laughter as we all poured out of the car, like some Jell-O that had not quite settled yet. Unpacking our taxi, the two men were approaching the place were a brotherhood or warzone was to be established. It was, at least for this writer, a place in his mind that would become The Shack. This building was roughly the size of a small studio with no stove or bathroom and three single guys would be living there together. The group all chatted for a bit before parting ways and ending their first day in Hawaii.
Over the next couple of weeks much happened. It was a mix of preparing for Rebirth, the regional Burning Man, battling the spiritual attacks against us, and trying to not let that spill over to eachother. Getting used to the local culture could easily take years to learn, but despite that we moved on. Part of what Papa ended up bringing this group together for was to have his will done at this Rebirth event. The Grassroots Church had planned a theme camp called the City of Refuge. At this place, a building was planned that would come to be know as The Shack, were some healing was its focus. It all started with a holistic drink and some foot washing outside, before they were escorted inside our 20 by 20 shack were the art therapy would take place. After that the people were led outside for a massage, then shown the way to the back of the building were prayer and the gifting of rocks with words written on them; written in either greek, hebrew, or sanskrit. How this actually worked out was amazing!
The event itself turned out to be just mainly a weekend party for a bunch of the locals with some cool fire dancing and a highly religious cermony that ended with the burning of a wooden effigy of a phoenix. What a place for Sarayu to move! The city of refuge really became that, many people ended up just sleeping at the camp, eating with the ambassadors there, and leaving feelingthe peace and attention of a loving God that is personal and real. A few people were amazed at how these people seemed to know what was in their hearts, others just surrendered to the prayer of the faithful lovers. A couple of high schoolers came out to spend time with the group, out of their normal groups, and whether they were high or not. Many relationships were established. For this writer, three have become very influential and important.
One was with the guy that was the 'owner' of the property were the event was held. This man really has a father's heart and searches for the one The next was this brilliant man that lives in a very steep and beautiful valley on the Big Island. The scientific information and the way in which he searched for things in the spirit shows that the kingdom is very close to him. The third, was by far the one, that intrigues this writer the most. This man, who was know as Dirty Jesus, ended up being a priest of the Burning Man. A friendship was established and the Holy Spirit is still bringing to mind things about priests and how the ones that are chosen by Papa help to bring real freedom, not just and illusion of it. Many gifts were given and received, but this writer believes that Papa probably did more work inside of the ones He gifted with being to work with Him in this adventure, than we saw happen in others. There are many, many, many more stories to be shared from this event, but perhaps that will come at a later day over some coffee.
Bless you all with love and patience from the Almighty Papa and the Spirit of Healing.
(story above still under construction)
Peace in the Battle
And Here Be A View of What Happened at Rebirth from a Fellow family member in the Field.
"
Rebirth Debrief
Praise the Lord for what He did at Rebirth (Puna regional Burning Man event)! Thank you to the many of you who have been praying, God did an awesome work that has humbled us and drawn us closer together. Wow! The following is a debriefing of what we saw happen.
Some of you are familiar with the big Burning Man, the week-long festival in Nevada. Rebirth was only four days, and actually it was more of a weekend party...with drugs, sex, fire dancing, and a number of innovative and highly impractical costumes. Definitely a new experience for many of us. The event culminated in the burning of a giant wooden phoenix as a symbol of transformation.
I'm continually amazed at Jesus, how good he is, how faithful his word is. Jn 15:7: “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” (ESV) He was the one empowering us, through our prayer and through his Spirit. We were praying for transformation and God's kingdom brought to earth, but I think we were all a little surprised when and how it actually happened.
Here's what it looked like day by day, before and during the event:
Monday-Wednesday, May 12-14: construction/prep days
-with the help of different people in Grassroots, we cleared land at the Shire (farm hosting the event) and constructed what would soon be known as “The Shack”, using recycled building materials and a little wood and bamboo. While we had our own tents, this was to be the ministry center of our theme camp.
Thursday, May 15: Day 1
-set up camp day: we decked out the Shack (formally, “City of Refuge”) with tapestries and fabric, and divided it into four separate rooms/stations:
1)footwashing/free noni drink
2)art therapy
3)massage
4)prayer/prophecy
-this was a time of setting up camp, gathering together, of prayer, worship, and getting focused. We were also able to go around and hang out with other people at the event.
Friday, May 16: Day 2
-the real life of Rebirth takes place after dark, so Friday was a time to rest, pray, hang out with people, or (for some of us) leave during the day for work and come back. After dinner we were maybe a little discouraged that not that many people had come by our camp, but we decided to start running through the stations in faith that God was going to bring people. A couple people from our camp went through as a practice run, and immediately people started coming—for the next five hours, until past 1 am!
-I (Jen) was in the prayer station of the City of Refuge, so from my vantage point I saw person after person come in that the Spirit had softened for that very purpose. The prayer room was where ministry primarily took place, the first three stations were for God to soften them and prepare them to come in and receive prayer. And He did that! Person after person came through and God would bring Scriptures to mind or tell us stuff like, “he has a river of pain in his life that I will change into a river of healing”, or “he has a daughter, and she's going to be an important resource as his wife is divorcing him,” ...and peoples' guards were totally down to receive! I have never personally experienced the Spirit flowing like that in such a compact amount of time, where unbelievers/backslidden believers are coming for ministry in a line, in a post-Christian culture, and God is meeting them where they are at, over and over.
“But if all prophesy, and an unbeliever or outsider enters, he is convicted by all,
he is called to account by all, the secrets of his heart are disclosed, and so, falling
on his face, he will worship God and declare that God is really among you.”
(1 Cor 14:24-25)
It wasn't that dramatic for everyone, some people were fairly closed off. Others left in a contemplative mood, and some mentioned that they had known Jesus in the past and felt him calling them back.
Snapshot:
Camella: a Brazilian lady who's opened herself up to bad spirits in a bad way—we prayed over her, spoke the word, and saw God shake her up at the name of Jesus. At the end of the time with her, her mind was more clear, and her words were, “It's good to get back to the Word.” She came back to hang out the next two days, and physically looked different. She also came to church with us on Sunday. Keep her in prayer, she's known the Lord in the past but has gotten pretty involved with New Age spiritism, and she (as far as we know) still has not fully come back to Him.
Saturday, May 17: Day 3
-Saturday we were expecting an even bigger turnout. We rested during the day, expecting an all-nighter to come. In the evening, after the burning of the phoenix, we got into stations again. We felt God filling us and the camp, but there was some opposition. Right as we were about to start, Gayle got a heavy migraine, and DJ felt like he was going to have a seizure. We prayed and continued anyway, though it was a bit more chaotic without them. There was actually a smaller turnout because there was a big rave at the other end of the camp. But God was moving and it seemed like the time we spent with people was longer and even more significant. People continued to come and hang out for an hour or two at a time, all night, including the owner of the Shire (for the third night in a row), especially people who had come the previous night and who God had touched. The art room expanded into a worship/rest sanctuary in the middle of an otherwise crazy event, and four people ended up crashing at our site because they felt safe.
Snapshot:
Rafe: a teenage kid from a messed-up family, who has heard the gospel growing up and now describes himself as “lost.” A few of us were able to talk with him for a couple hours, answering questions, and Michael was able to share from his testimony. Rafe left, and then came back until late Saturday night (or was it early Sunday?) for a few more hours, thinking, painting, asking questions.
Sunday, May 18: Day 4
-a bunch of us left to attend Grassroots for a few hours, and while we were gone, person after person kept coming up to Gayle and Nick (the two that stayed behind) thanking them for the presence of the City of Refuge. Some asked for prayer, while others slept in the tent recovering from the night before. Key people from the event (including Glen, the owner of the Shire) also thanked us for being a presence and asked us to come back next year.
Thanks for your prayers! Praise the Lord! Continue praying for Glen, and for those we were hanging out with. There were so many more, so many stories... One other specific way that you can pray is that God would continue the relationships that were formed with everyone at the event who actually lives in Puna (there were a lot of travelers!).
A final thought: one of the most significant things I saw the Holy Spirit do was unite us as a team quickly and powerfully, and build our unity through the whole time. This was really sweet, and is part of the momentum for two new ministry opportunities we are looking ahead to very soon:
1)DJ, Nick, and Michael will be moving to the Shire later this week.
2)In a little over a week (Jun 15) a few of us from Grassroots will have a prayer/prophecy/dream interpretation booth set up at the market. Pray God's covering over this—we really can't do it without his Spirit, and we believe it's something he's going to move through! If this goes well and God continues to bless it, we would love to see it turn into a weekly thing with four different teams.
Pray for all of us...
-unity
-a covering of protection
-God's gifting and anointing on us
-that people would see Jesus through this
-that we would be an encouragement to other believers who have been disconnected from God's people here in Puna—there's a lot of them...
For the kingdom,
Jen (for the team)"
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